I’ve helped many women with love. Many wonderful women of many ages, and I found there is a lurking darkness behind all of their hearts. A common enemy.
“I can’t find the right one.”
“He left me.”
“I’ve been abused.”
I hear it echoed. Severity varies. Pain…
Yet all of them seem to stem from the same root. I ask probing questions, digging into their past, listening to their fears and worries and secrets. At one point, they all had the same thing happen.
I’ve had the privilege of speaking to a few young girls, and I highly recommend it. One of the most beautiful things about children, is their ability to love intensely, innocently, and without prejudice. Every parent has seen this. Children can attach the fullness of their hearts to anyone or anything, cherishing that stuffed animal or parent or pet with the most profound purity.
These young girls I’ve spoken to have given me a rare glimpse at the daydreams they have. One girl in particular had a fixation with alligators, and by extension, dragons. She, for whatever reason, though they were the most beautiful things.
She told me all about her ideal dragon-husband. His wings, what he would eat, how she would fly around with him. And somewhere in her daydream, a light turned on for me.
She was doing exactly what she is supposed to.
She wasn’t just describing a list. She was wishing it, she was FEELING it. Her goal was so clear in her mind that she could describe it perfectly, no matter what I asked. She could specify eye color, how big he was, where they would live, how he behaved, what he did for work (he protected castles, for the curious minds.)
When was the last time you did this? When was the last time the princesses I speak to have done this? I’ve commented on many people’s pages and have many private conversations via email. When did you last do this?
Love fiercely, and dare to love with the same bravery a child does.
You used to.
Before this poisonous society told you it was…what? What did they tell you about your dreams? You know the word. “unrealistic.”
You tell a princess that enough times, and she stops dreaming. Any pastor, motivational speaker, or teacher will tell you that shutting down a goal mentality with that evil word is…a dream killer.
So I thought I would include my steps to heal these princesses. To fight off the shadow that they carry.
- Close your eyes and imagine your love. Your true love. How do they feel? Smell? What is it like being in their arms? Do you feel safe?
- Oh…that ache. The hollow feeling in our chest. The tears. So many cry..just from the first step. Because they’ve been too afraid to even want it… Step #2 is to cherish that ache. That hollow feeling. Make it grow. Go back to step one…day dream harder.
- Now start being a scientist. When that feeling grows, to its maximum…start writing. Write a list of their features. Some women focus on physical, some emotional, some are behavioral. There is no wrong answer, nothing is petty, and no one judges you. Not in your space. Go ahead. Have fun! Make a dream board on Pinterest dedicated to your ideal love.
- This person you have now created…solidify them in your mind.
- Go back to step three. I half way tricked you. People often pick traits and characteristics they find valuable. What did you pick? You might find you had some interesting insights about yourself. Blue eyes? Funny? Warm?
- Go back to step 4. This person, you need to imagine your life with them. Prepare for them. Fill your heart with them. The ache will never go away…not entirely. But you want to imagine their laugh, imagine fun with them, every kind of fun. When your heart starts to feel warm…light…happy…you’ve just won.
What I mean by winning is that you’ve created this idea in your head, you’ve solidified it, and you are imagining it so fully that your emotional state is shifting to match.
Funny thing about chronic thoughts and ideas and feelings. They have a lasting impact on our bodies and minds. By imagining your love flirting with you, you might actually blush. Your cheeks will redden, your pupils will dilate, you might smile softly… Maybe you didn’t realize the person of your dreams saw you. A woman in love (easily the most beautiful thing to witness.) You dreams will actually beget the reality you want.
By following those steps, you stand a very good chance of finding that person. Or them finding you. The trick is dreaming like the little princess did. She dreamt and told me all about it, like it was real. Her feelings mirrored that realness.
Remember, there is no “unrealistic.” There is no judging. You are not petty. You are not shallow. You are just learning to dream again, and that is wonderful.
If anyone tells you your dreams (sleeping or awake) are unrealistic, you send them my way.
Love. Love ferociously. Love like your life depends on it. Love despite the darkness. Love despite hate. Love like a Princess.
P.S. The picture is of Gráinne O’Malley. One of the fiercest princesses of all time.